Life is unfair. It just is.
We spend inordinate amounts of time rebelling against this reality.
We create stories and scripts. People with means say, “There’s a master plan. It all works out as it should.”
My guess is the 1 billion people who live in abject poverty here on earth would disagree. Living in a slum can’t be part of the master plan, can it? I really hope to God it isn’t.
So the first way to get over anything is to accept: Life is unfair.
The next reality we need to accdept is:
Bad things happen to good people. BAd things happen to bad people. Good things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. No more to be said on this topic.
Third way to get over things: Learn to feel feelings. So much pain is caused by us trying to avoid facing pain. There are books about this. Whole religions focus on this. When we accept life is unfair, good and bad stuff will happen to us, we need to acknowledge that we will have times of pain in our lives. Pain is not permanent. It only lingers forever if you ask it to.
Likewise, happiness is real but impermanent. Let yourself be happy. Don’t be “that person” who worries that being happy means certain doom awaits. (see life is unfair, good/bad things happen to all).
Fourth: Develop coping skills. This is a major life skill no one teaches. If you can’t cope with the ups and downs of unfairness you’re screwed. Without coping skills you are either angry all the time, self-medicating somehow or awash in feeling hopeless and helpless in the face of an unfair world. A big first step to coping is accepting numbers 1-3 above.
fifth: See the big picture. Yes, bad things have happened. When you look around you see you aren’t alone by a long shot. Let this comfort you.
Sixth: Consider your next step. When we get bogged down in life, it’s hard to look up. We all need a time to grieve, lick our wounds, hibernate and heal. After a time (and if you are listening to your body, you’ll know when the time is right), it’s time to shift forward again. The next step can be as small as getting out of bed or as big as starting a new business that changes the world. Let yourself plan for the future.
Seventh: Get over yourself. This may sound harsh, but it must be said. It’s not all about you. This isn’t to minimize your pain. It’s to shift your focus beyond your pain. Sometimes we can develop an identity of a victim. We see ourselves as alone and acted upon, rather than empowered and taking action. At some point you must stand up and throw your chin out and shoulders back. You got this.